I quickly lose my patience around impatient people. Seriously. It is a problem. I am generally a patient person, walking in inspirational amounts of gentleness. But when someone who isn't as patient as I think they should be comes along, my lips and heart tighten. HOW CAN THEY BE SO ILL-MANNERED AND IMPATIENT!? I have absolutely no patience for this. Wait... what?

The same thing happens with anger. I rarely feel anger. Except, of course, when someone else is angry without a reason that meets my standards. When I see someone post mean, accusing, thoughtless words online, you don't want to be my husband who is innocently standing nearby. My cheeks get hot, and all sorts of daggers want to come out. I cannot handle my own anger when people are speaking angry words.

A Pivotal Moment

I realized this one day while I was driving, about to make a left-hand turn. The driver in front of me was behaving in a completely childish way. I can't remember what had upset him, but he was very upset. In reaction to his anger, I found myself upset. Very upset. I wanted to smack some sense into him. He was waving his arms wildly and saying all sorts of nasty things. Outwardly, I was still and silent, but inside, my emotions were waving just as wildly. I was putting some nasty labels on him of my own.

And then Jesus opened my eyes.

I was this angry man. I was mirroring him exactly at the same time that I was feeling disdain for him. I matched him anger for anger, impatience for impatience, judgment for judgment. If he deserved the names I gave him, then so did I. I spent the rest of the drive writing a song about it. I can't remember the words, or I would sing it to you now. Needless to say, it was a pivotal moment. I began to recognize what self-righteousness tasted like on my own tongue. Humility tasted a whole lot better, even if it is harder to swallow.

The Journey to Freedom

I guess I am writing all of this to share the joy, peace, and freedom I have found in recognizing when I am in the flesh. I have learned to change course and rely on the Spirit. This doesn't just happen automatically after you give your life to Jesus. There is a mental training and discipline that is initiated and fueled by His grace.

It has been a process to even recognize the moment when I am in it. Honestly, when you are emotional or worried, being thoughtful about whether you are in the flesh or in the Spirit is the farthest thing from your mind. At least in my case, when I am in the flesh, I am most resistant to the Spirit. So I have had to ask again and again in God's presence, when I am in my right mind, for His help to show me when I am in the flesh. I ask Him to give me the desire to not keep doing the same old thing, but to repent, have a new thought, and break the cycle. I lean back on Him instead of leaning on myself. (That is a visual from Song of Solomon 8:5 that helps me sometimes.)

Recognizing Self-Talk

Part of the process has been realizing how much I pray to myself versus praying to God. That sounds silly until you take it seriously. Take note of how many thoughts are from you to you about someone or something that is upsetting you or some worry about the future. It takes practice to realize it in the moment. Committing to turning the conversation to God and away from self is a bigger leap for mankind than walking on the moon!

Praising God in Everything

Another thing that has helped me is to get in the habit of praising God in everything, especially when things go wrong. This stops the negative thoughts and gets you back into faith and gratefulness. It puts you in a posture of receiving from God rather than taking what looks good in your own eyes from life, like you used to before you were born again. It doesn't mean you are praising God for evil. You are praising God in the midst of evil, and He said He is making all things new. There will be a day when crying, mourning, and death are no more. Praising Him now for that is life-giving.

Praying Generously

Then, pray a blessing on whatever, whomever, or whichever seems to be the thing in the way or the worry in your heart. Be generous! Pray like your Father in Heaven is good, rich, and abounding in mercy, able to do anything. Pray for others what you would pray for yourself or your closest relative. Don't pray curses so they get their due or learn their lesson. Pray the way you would want them to pray for you. Your love for others will grow. I am the test case.

So when someone takes the parking spot at the last second that you were waiting for, praise God. Not snarkily, but really and truly. "Praise You, Lord, that You will provide a space. Praise You that I have a car that I have to park and am not walking!" And then bless the person: "Bless that man with Your Spirit, with the knowledge of You, with peace in his heart. Lift his eyes to You and away from worry. Meet his needs today, Lord. Surround him with friends that give him good advice. Give him joy at work and vision for his future." The sky is the limit, and it never hurts to pray over others what you want for yourself in that moment.

Looking to Jesus in wide-eyed wonder as He perfectly keeps me, is my 'today freedom' and my righteousness.

The Source of Goodness

Knowing about good and evil has never brought a human being closer to good and further from evil. There is no such thing as a good person except for Jesus. Not me. Not you. Only God is good. He is the source of life, love, and all things good. So we continually come to Him through talking with Him, learning His ways, and trusting His faithfulness to receive His Spirit and the fruit of His Spirit.

I can always tell when I am a sheep wandering too far from my Shepherd. I feel condemning judgment rise up in my heart for another person. Looking down on my neighbor is absolute poison. It is quite different from judging or discerning a weakness in someone else and fighting for their emancipation through prayer and action with the same grace, hope, and forgiveness that Jesus is actively extending to me. Both are judgments; one is condemning, and one is God’s Kingdom coming.

Bringing God's Kingdom to Earth

Let's bring God's Kingdom to earth as it is in Heaven as His vessels! Let's live revolutionary lives that counter even our own impatient and angry thoughts! To God be the glory!

A Prayer

Jesus, help us pick up our cross and follow You. Help us renew our minds to Your truth. Help us bless those who persecute us and pray for those who spitefully use us. Pour out Your light through us and sustain us with Your Holy Spirit. Thank You so much for this life lived in You.

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (ESV)

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.

Rev 21:4 (ESV)

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Romans 8:1 (ESV)

---wix---